#But GOSH I feel sick!
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I've noticed a lot of modern day novels with trigger warnings at the beginning and I couldn't approve of that more btw
#Like?? Can we discuss this!!!#I just put down a book bc it had no warning and included a rape mention and a vivid rape scene within 2 chapters#tw rape mention#and HAD there been a warning before chapter one I wouldn't have picked the book up in the first place!#But GOSH I feel sick!#Now i just have to get over it and go about my day ://#Which I'll do bc I'm an adult but still#annoying >:/
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Bingqiu AU where Luo Binghe's the chosen village sacrifice to the evil deity who lives up the mountain.
Normally the village sends maidens, but they've more or less run out of expendable girls of the right age and, ahem, "virtues". So of course Luo Binghe's early life bad luck kicks in. In the wake of his mother's death there's no one to really care about what happens to him, he's fairly pretty, and the village leaders decide that if they dress him up like a girl the teenaged homeless kid should pass well enough. And hey, y'know, he's probably got a hard life ahead for him anyway -- dying in a brothel of some venereal disease or on the streets of exposure or starvation. At least as a sacrifice, everyone else gets to benefit from his loss! And the kid will get added to a shrine and be remembered as a hero! If anything, he should be happy about this!
Binghe is not happy about this.
But he's also a skinny underfed nobody who is easily overpowered, dressed up like a bride, and tied to a post. So. Not much he can do but wait for the evil deity to come and do whatever horrible thing he's gonna do to him.
Meanwhile, Shen Yuan is pretty sure he's been isekai'd into the over-powered hero of some kind of supernatural adventure story? He's not totally sure because he doesn't recognize the setting, but the signs are there. He's got a shrine-like base of operations (though it seems to have become corrupted/ruined, probably he has to restore it somehow), he has a very resilient and handsome new body with spiritual energy of some kind flowing through him, and a very clearly magical sword. Plus lots of neat starter powers! Though it feels like he has other abilities that have been blocked somehow? Probably he has to level up in order to access them.
When he treks out of his "base" and finds what seems to be a distressed maiden, he takes it for his beginner hero mission. The girl claims that she's been doomed to be sacrificed to an evil god. That sounds a little above Shen Yuan's pay grade for dealing with, so he unties her and decides that they had better just get out of the whole region altogether. He already packed up anything useful from his base, anticipating he might get caught up in an adventure once he left, so they follow the river away from the settlement until they reach another one.
While they travel, Luo Binghe tells Shen Yuan about the cursed deity, Shen Qingqiu, who was cast out of the heavens for slaughtering one of his brethren and has apparently being do-who-knows what to maidens from the local village in exchange for his "protection" ever since. Sounds like a real asshole! And also mid-level boss type bad guy at least. Shen Yuan hopes he doesn't have to fight him, but he probably will.
Thank goodness he found Binghe, though! Clearly the helpful little sister type! He's definitely going to require her assistance if he's going to figure out how to navigate this world and level up his skills enough to take on a god.
#svsss#bingqiu#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#luo binghe: I don't know why the evil deity toys with me this much but as long as he is amused then he's not killing me#luo binghe: each day he lets me live is another blessing especially since I have no hope of escape#luo binghe: is it for some sick amusement that he drags me to and from the dens of monsters and feigns ignorance?#luo binghe: if I reveal that I know the truth will the ruse end? does he do this with all his sacrifices?#luo binghe: or is he toying with me because he knows that I'm not really a maiden at all? standing on this knife's edge is unbearable#luo binghe: and yet somehow this is the most stable my life has been ever since the death of my poor mother#luo binghe: the world is cruel -- perhaps if I become whatever it is this god desires I might be shielded from more of it for another day#luo binghe: wait I have heavenly demon blood? then... perhaps my dark master considers me a suitable companion thanks to this?#luo binghe: are we two companions in this wretched world? outsiders sharing scorn and thus only able to find solace in each other?#luo binghe: is this what it feels like to care and be cared for? it's been so long I had almost completely forgotten it#shen yuan: gosh these upgrades are getting convoluted I wish I had a skill menu or something#shen yuan: oooh neat a slime! easy exp!
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2024 Brazilian GP | x
#franco colapinto#autumn posts#I'm so conflicted about all the rumors!!#I want him to have a spot for 2025!! but rbr is kinda falling apart!! and we've seen how especially callous they can be 😢#I miss Daniel so much 🥺 I've been on my usual insta dives and everytime I see vcarb I still pause out of habit#still I agree with so many folks that its good he got away from rbr who never were going to give him the respect and opportunities!!#so I worry for Franco!!!#and poor Max gosh this FiA balogna and the car just not performing 🥲#tbh I've been hiding in like 2017 posts just soaking up content I missed from bygone days!#I spam my sideblog verstappen100 if anyone wants like mostly Daniel throwback yearning hehe 🙂↕️#idk the vibes feel off this GP especially so like...idk how to explain it!!#but anyways I think I'm just new and I'm sick irl so just kinda stewing in the feels#nothing some gifs can't fix 🙂↕️#and I have to work tomorrow 🥲 but then!!! freedom!!!#anyways just rambling...#I like to hide in the tags and the side blog but I know that#hiding how I feel is blocking me from making true connections in fandom!!#I worry I'll say something silly or something#but maybe I should be more brave instead of hiding#oh anyways!!!#if you're reading all this!! thank you! hehe nothing huge just feeling dumping before slumber 😴#I hope all is well!!#sending good energy out to Franco on such a hard weekend#and to Daniel hopefully chilling and dreaming up something excellent 💞#and to y'all!! have a good night morning and afternoon!! 🌙☀️☁️#going to add a few more photos before I go!!
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caught a cold yesterday so I rewatched a good old childhood fav of mine, which also included another robot buddy I love! here’s data with wall-e cus why not :D
#churro art#my art#digital art#fanart#illustration#star trek#star trek the next generation#star trek tng#data soong#lieutenant commander data#i dedicate this to the wonderful user who asked that I draw more data!! THIS IS FOR U HOMESLICE#i was listening to the WALL·E soundtrack a lot for this ofc and I like the track define dancing a lot :D#maybe it’s just me but I like to think that that song could be a wonderful theme for data :P#gosh drawing Star Trek characters never gets old#i feel like every time I draw one again it just gets more fun and delightful for me :D#LIKE I LOVEDE HOW THIS DATA CAME OUT#HEHEHE#now. if only I could figure out Picard and riker…#anyways queuing this for the morning after as it’s 1 am and I’m still sick :P#i
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I remember seeing someone’s hc a while ago that in rba their energon is pink instead of blue like tfp (cuz yk, aligned continuity) because ratchet or someone else finally finished the synth energon formula and NOBODY TALK TO ME
#im sick I’m in shambles#the implications RAAHH#if someone could help me find the og i will give u a kiss on the forehead like a little cat#I’m jk but ohhhh my gosh#it’s on the brain#and YES im actually really I’ll right now so yk the fever brain isn’t helping HAHA#ILL as in SICK not I’ll my bad#I don’t feel like correcting the whole tag lmao#tfrb#tf#transformers#transformers rescue bots#rescue bots#rescue bots academy#tf rba#transformers rescue bots academy#ALSO ik I said a post would be out today and IT WILL BE… like before midnight my time hahahehfahjljkl
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I have a lot of thoughts about Percy Tozaki (from Keyframes VN) and I just... I wanna write them down but I need to go through the game again (I never trust my own memory lmfao). wait nvm I started and I can't stop my thought train elp Like on the surface he acts very charsmatic and charming, but you can see SO often in the game that he often steps back and let's others shine over himself? And like... He's always looking out for the other two guys? Like he'll make sure Jamie gets something he likes to eat/willing to eat? He grabed a ton of lemonade for Elio to reward him for being nice (despite saying that's not what he's doing). He makes sure everyone is seen while he just... steps back?? LIKE. I SEE YOU PERCY. I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING Also I haven't played everything out there yet of Keyframes, but I noticed he never really talks much about himself/family? He always ends up talking about Elio's family and it sounds like once they became friends in highschool he was always there? So I'm like??? hello is there angst there?? AND THEN I did the event where they go to halfway point and he says he got into his school career path because he's just kind of good at it? Like that might not sound like much, but before I got that scene I was thinking for my MC that she just became a lawyer because she was told 'it's either that or you're worthless' (better phrased but I'm sleep deprived). And when that scene came up you had the option of saying your family was a line of lawyers and that just lined up with her so well? So I'm not thinking that Percy is the same since each answer seems to line up with each li (Family is in that career <- Elio, Wants to help people <- Cameron, Jamie [not sure because I haven't done his route but he reacts to this line], In it for the money <- Not sure because I forgot to check the reactions for this line), but I'm thinking maybe he was pressured to go that career path from family?? PROBABLY reading too much into it but it is interesting that he never mentions his own family... MAN even at the Spring Festival he says he wants to play games but the other derail him/get to do what they want? And when you hang out as a group (I havn't done the indivdual hang outs yet) you just never end up doing the games?? Well, the ones where you can win a cheap toy prize. You do some fun challenges together, but I don't think that's what he was aiming for when he said what he wanted to do. (Spoilers from asks from Blank House after this) Also I saw through Blank House asks that one of the li routes is gonna include a breakup? And my first thought is: Jamie, of course. He's international so he might break up with you because he's going back to Sweden? but what if it's one of the other lis... AND I can't see it being Elio... (if it was that would come from left field LOL) (ok done about the BH ask) ANYWAYS PERCY I SEE YOU. I SEE YOUR PAIN AND I CAN'T WAIT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOU
#keyframes percy#keyframes vn#crow rambles#anyways pls ignore me I have lots of thoughts about this vn#I needed to get these thoughts out so I can come back later and see if I'm right about anything lol#gosh I love all these characters... Time to do other routes#also sorry about any mistakes/weird ramblings because I've been kind of sick/sleep deprived for the last 2 ish days#people feel free to talk to me about keyframes lol
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you know I have really had a hard time in recent years and arguably every years… and today.
Today. I woke up with NO PAIN. 0 pain. Nothing at all. No nausea, no cramps, no uncomfortable bloating/constipation, no excessive anxiety, no ceaseless despair, no depression numbness, no headache, no unexplainable abdominal pain, no suffering, no PAIN. NONE. 0!!!!!
I just woke up.
I forgot how fucking NICE that is!!!! I’ve been on cloud fucking nine all day just because I didn’t start the day in misery!!!! I don’t think I realized until today how fucking awful my default existence has been in the last few years!!!! If it wasn’t physical agony it was mental agony if it wasn’t mental agony it was emotional agony and most days it was all!!!!!
This peace won’t be forever and it’s one stellar day out of many awful ones and I’m not cured nor will I ever be but by god I’ve been tough and I’ve been strong and I’m only realizing today HOW tough and strong
#starlight personal#it’s not an exaggeration to say that I haven’t woken up This Fine in at least two years#like I’ve been hoping and trying so hard and hoping and hoping for so long and like… it’s getting better#I’m doing better and I’m managing better and I’ve come really far#and I want to be proud of that for a minute and grateful that I’m on an upward trend rn#life is ebb and flow and things will get hard again but I’m trying to appreciate when things aren’t#like GOSH it’s so fucking nice to not feel sick at all what the hell do some ppl just feel like this all the time????
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Forcing myself out of my sickness to draw Al
Inspired by Kai's design
Reference under the cut
#pjo#alabaster torrington#my art#I've been feeling like shit for the past few days#gosh I hate being sick#alabaster c torrington
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Um, okay this is a loaded question, and if you want to play it safe, you can answer me in DMs, but...I personally feel that there's something wrong about how VLD placed Keith in the lead. In a way, I can see him becoming Black Paladin, but Shiro...it feels more natural to me, it feels right that Shiro is Black Paladin. I'm not into VLD beyond Shiro, Keith's parents, and the Lions personally, but I know someone who loves it and makes good points about Keith as a leader, but something just isn't aligning for me. Maybe it's because Shiro and Keith are two radically different archetypes, and they got swapped when they shouldn't have, I don't know.
I came here because I saw one of your post S2 rewrites, and I appreciated it. So, again, feel free to answer me in DMs (if you have problems DM-ing me, let me know and I'll fix it for you) if you don't mind discussing this with me.
As a final note, I'm not trying to hate any particular character. They're all fine on their own, and I don't want to treat one as worse than the other. I just want to figure out this problem I'm having with Shiro and Keith.
Thank you for reading this, and take care.
You came to the right blog! Because I adore Keith and believe he certainly has qualities that could make him a good leader—and absolutely hate him as the Black Paladin.
The thing I never understood about Voltron fandom debates about who should be the Black Paladin is that they always seem based in the idea that because Shiro is a leader and the Black Paladin, that means the Black Paladin is the ONLY leader on the team.
It is worth noting that that premise was disproven in episode one. It was Allura who made the final call on whether the paladins should run or stay and fight Sendak, and Shiro explicitly bowed to her authority. From then on, Shiro and Allura both lead Team Voltron until the show decided to destroy their characters, accepting influence and trading responsibilities depending on which one of them fit the situation at hand. Typically, Allura functions more in a commander and diplomat role and Shiro is more of a field officer, but they both pick up the lead where needed.
I know you didn't bring up Allura, but I think it is vital she is included in any conversation about leadership in Voltron. She is introduced as THE princess of an entire planet, she has more knowledge and experience of the intergalactic landscape than any of the other characters, she's been set up to be a leader since birth, and she IS the leader of Team Voltron for two whole seasons. Shiro makes it VERY clear he considers her to outrank him.
So the question you have to ask any time you consider replacing Shiro as Black Paladin: why NOT Allura? If the Black Paladin is the "best leader", why are you skipping over the one character already established and thriving in a leadership role? (And then you have to ask yourself if that character being a Black woman has anything do with that.)
Now I do think there are ways narratively you could answer that question. For instance, if you keep the Lions as sentient beings, that means they can make choices—including wrong ones. For instance, for a time when I believed anything might be salvaged after season 3, my head canon for Black choosing Keith was that Keith was the one missing Shiro as intensely and desperately as Black in that moment. Therefore, the choice was not about Keith being "better" but rather them being at the same place emotionally and that allowing the bond. The major problem with the Lion swap in canon is that we're given NO reason for Keith to be Black Paladin besides "plot device said so". Especially when we have Allura right there. It's just bad writing.
(By the way, you don't have to be pro-Black Paladin Allura. There's nuance to be had, and I personally am actually more One True Black Paladin!Shiro. But you can't just dismiss her--a capable and proven leader--from the conversation. Erasing her character is not the answer.)
ANYWAY. Back to Keith. Or rather, leadership on Team Voltron. Thing is, there are many different WAYS to be a leader. We already touched on the differences between Allura and Shiro. Keith does a good job of making split second decisions in battle or calling shots if Shiro is incapacitated or somehow separated. If you're in the middle of a fight, the plan has gone to shit, and the team just got separated, Keith is great at telling people what to do and mobilizing because something needs to get done NOW.
But that's not the only way to lead. Keith, for instance, is terrible at pep talks. He misses a lot of the nuances going on between him and his teammates off the battlefield. He doesn't plan ahead, like, ever. Sure he's great at making up stuff on the fly, but sometimes you need a plan.
But it's not just Keith. For instance, when Shiro, Lance, and Pidge go on the mission to rescue Slav, it's Pidge who calls all the shots. Is that not leadership? Pidge is often the one telling people what they need to do to solve technical problems. She's a center for information, typically the one collecting it, organizing and interrupting it, and then instruction others based on her conclusions. We see her take point on a mission, give orders to her teammates, coordinate efforts, problem solve in real time and relay a new plan in order to navigate unexpected challenges. Why not argue PIDGE should be the leader?
And there's when they freed the Balmera and Hunk took the lead. That mission was more challenging, but I'd argue in that arc, Hunk's leadership mattered less in terms of orders and more in terms of determining what type of team they'd be. Hunk was ADAMANT they free the Balmerans and set a tone for the team where they didn't leave suffering people behind. Hunk set up a moral imperative for the team that they'd be lesser without.
And Lance! There's actually lots to say about Lance and his strengths and types of leadership. But it's easy to point out that Lance is the one initiating fun and team bonding outside of battle. And when you're operating a giant robot held together by emotion connection, that's pretty dang important!
Point is, they're ALL leaders. They all have the capability to take point when needed. We SEE them all take charge at different points of the show.
So what's the Black Paladin then? If Shiro's The Leader then what does that mean? And this is the cool part! Because you know what Shiro is really really good? Know who else to put in charge. He's the one who first acknowledges Allura as an authority because he sees she has knowledge and experience he and the others do not. He selects which paladins to go together on which missions based on their strengths and the situations. He steps back and lets Pidge or Lance or Hunk call the shots if they're in an area of their expertise. Shiro's job isn't to tell people what to do. It's to decide who to put in charge of what and place them in best position for success.
There's another aspect of Shiro's leadership that is supporting his teammates, offering comfort, teaching, and giving the kids something solid they can believe in so they don't have to care the full weight of the war. But like letting others take charge where they shine, Shiro's leadership is all about enabling those he leads. One of my favorite Shiro lines is "It's too dangerous—I'm coming with you." Shiro's goal is never control. He is support. He leads the paladins because he sees the best in them and helps them reach it.
Narratively, also, Shiro is just set up to be the Black Paladin. The parallels between himself and the Black Lion are too obvious. From both being controlled and abused by Zarkon to Shiro's missing arm and Black's mission bayard. It's a kid's show. The symbolism isn't all that subtle. And if that weren't enough, we literally get an entire episode A plot in Space Mall about it where Shiro literally fist fights Zarkon for the Black Lion and in the end, he wins because he makes it clear it's the Black Lion's choice and trust.
Remember when I said the problem with Keith in the Black Lion in canon is that we're never given an explanation beyond "because I said so"? We're shown repeatedly why the Black Lion chooses Shiro. Even before we meet most the Lions, the other paladins themselves choose Shiro as their leader when Lance asks him if they should go through the wormhole. We repeatedly see Shiro seek to understand the Black Lion better, and Black responding. We see the similarities between their situations and backstories. We see them bond.
And I think this is really important because when Shiro is in the Black Lion, it's not about him being "in charge." It's about his relationship with the Black Lion. Yeah, of course, the other paladins are leaders! And they should be! But none of them have Shiro's relationship with the Black Lion. In this narrative, the Black Lion isn't a prize to be won but a relationship to nurture, and Shiro has put in the work for that relationship.
Which is really important because it means the Lions aren't a hierarchy. The Black Paladin is one role, an important role in Voltron, but no more important than any of the others. "The Leader" is not the most important person in the room. Instead, Shiro is a facilitator who enables all the others to perform their roles better.
Also can I just remind everyone just how well the Red Lion fits Keith? The paladin who keeps throwing himself out airlocks get the Lion most likely to go AWOL and fly off to save him. Keith defends his friends and team by attacking first and asking questions later, and Red started destroying a planetary body to get to Keith. The kid with abandonment issues gets the Lion who doesn't hesitate a second to go after him. And even the way they're shown to bond—that it's so physical and based in action rather than words—it's so Keith. I freaking love Keith as the Red Paladin. He gets to be as chaotic and free as he was always meant to be and gets a Lion who meets him every step of the way.
But if you say, no, Keith should be the Black Paladin. Well. What about Red wasn't working? Why was that role not one Keith fit in? Because from my reading of canon, Keith was thriving in Red. He got a secure attachment to his favorite person in the world, he gets the freedom to fly while also being part of something bigger, and he's making friends. It's still in its beginning stages, but he's figuring out how to bond with Lance, Hunk, and Pidge and you get the sense these are a kind of friendships he's never experienced before. But you know what could kill that really fast? Making him The Leader, a position that inherently sets him apart from the rest.
This is actually a problem twice over for Keith because unlike Shiro, who is shown to be given his role voluntarily by everyone around him and repeatedly shows he's earned that trust and respect, Keith is basically thrown into the Plot Device Machine and gets a t-shirt that says YOU'RE THE LEADER NOW. And we never get a reason beyond that.
This is actually my biggest problem season 3 and the Lion Swap. Because as soon as they made that choice, the Lions became a hierarchy. But what other explanation do we have? Keith won Favorite Character status got "prompted" to Black Paladin. But as soon as Black Paladin is a promotion, that makes the other paladin roles inferior. Red becomes the "second in command". So Lance get prompted but can never be equal to Keith. Allura gets the "Training Wheels" Lion/Blue, and they didn't have to write that as a massive demotion, but they sure did anyway. Hunk and Pidge are no longer leaders because they aren't in the "Leader" Lions.
It makes me so mad. One of the things I loved first about Voltron was the message of equality and servant leadership. The idea that a leader (represented by Shiro) is someone who elevates and enables everyone else. A recognition for the more "feminine" types of leadership—nurturing, compassion, emotional support. Which support roles are seen as vital and just as if not more important than being the "boss."
But we only got two seasons of that before they pulled the rug out and said, "Nope. We're returning back to patriarchy." Suddenly the Lions were in a strict chain of command, one character was the boss and the rest were his subordinates. There was a top position and a bottom position, and the characters were all fighting over each other. Perhaps most damningly, the Lion lost all personality and agency and become trophies to symbolize a character's power. And I'm not saying they're an accidental representation of how women are treated in Western media but I MEAN. It's right there.
My response when anyone says "[X] character should be the Black Paladin!" is—Why? Is their connection with the Black Lion deeper than Shiro's? Do they have more in common with Black than Shiro does? What could they achieve or obtain as the Black Paladin that they couldn't where they currently are?
And, though I don't think most of us realize it, the answer to that last one is power. Because we're soaked in patriarchy and a certain portrayal of "leadership (derogatory)" that many fans automatically assumed the Black Paladin HAD to be in control of and have power over the other paladins. So of course you want your favorite character to be the Black Paladin! You don't want your self-insert to be inferior!
But that's all the patriarchy talking. The other paladins are NOT inferior. There is NOT a hierarchy of types of people. Keith doesn't have to have Shiro's role because he's already equal as Keith.
Keiths look different from Shiros, but they're all equal and valuable as they are. Same goes for Lances, Hunks, Pidges, and Alluras. The whole point is they're stronger together. Their differences make them BETTER.
So yeah. Of course, Keith has some good leadership qualities. There's plenty of situations where it only makes sense for him to take the lead. But why on earth does he need to be the Black Paladin to do that? He's already Keith!
#voltron: the legendary salt mine#thanks for the ask!#oh gosh this got so long#would you believe this is the SHORT version?#I have a LOT of feelings about leadership and patriarchy and how it shows up in voltron#i didn't even get to go into hunk and lance's roles#and how they deserve so much more respect and appreciation than they receive#hunk especially#if you're somehow not sick of me and want to chat more feel free to dm#or hit my inbox and i'll answer with another monster probably#mckinlily writes#long post#could i use a read more? yes#will i? unfortunately for everyone no
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disappointed and surprised about taeil.
#my mom was the one to tell me can you guys believe it#“someone from your favorite group got kicked out for *** accusations”#WHAT#wayv? oh my gosh no what the#but she was actually talking about 127#i dont know all 94 members of nct but i know a lot of people always described taeil as a nice guy and very talented#im sad for taeil fans#i hope you guys find/have other musicians you love just as much as him#..do you guys.. feel a little sick ..?#like did the other members know about what he did?#and potentially try to protect him or even have a good laugh about it?#i am NOT trying to say that his bandmates/friends are definitely bad!!#im just saying.. what if.. what if theyre like taeil and we dont know that theyre unkind#i believe that he's guilty#i believe that everyone SHOULD believe that he's guilty#i believe we should always put survivors first#if that wasnt clear before#i know i wasnt talking about that first thing#also. i was thinking.. nct has one too many *** scandals. it's getting gross#yangyang fanfiction postponed until i have more time to think.#taeil#moon taeil#nct#nct 127#nct u#nct dream
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just started playchoices terrorfest and the mc is going through it. accused of being a murderer, got punched in the stomach, wasn't even allowed to throw hands and ran away due to plot reasons, stalked, only half apologised to by her bitch sister, is given fugly 1st love interests [i hope this isnts a one LI love interest book bc im about to be the most emotionally unavailable girl ever] im crying.
#thank u tyson for being the first normal person that hasnt obv taken my sisters side oh my gosh#WOOO LUCK WITH THE WOLFCUT!!!#TWO!!!!#i have never been over ally or whatever his name was faster#playchoices#terrorfest#ramblings#imagine how shitty it must feel being cut off from your mother and watching your dad be a happy family without u im sick#less imagination needed i get it but fuck man#plus the whole multimillion house im sickk
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#I'm sorry I'm behind on asks I feel like it never fucking ends#can't talk to family about it. they worry too much. cant talk to friends about it. they just start giving unwarranted (well meaning) advice#and plus they basically live with me atp with how often they're over helping me fuck do I do?? bother them more??#dude it's embaressing even if it's not chronic shit it's just unlucky shit like how u gonna have an allergic reaction & then seizure same d#idk about therapy therapists scare me. it's not a therapy issue though I'm just tired and in pain all the fucking time#one more person says “same omg” or “well have you tried-” i will start cutting peoples throat and eating their livers#you do NOT know what it's like having to write your own will before 30 like this shit aint right shit aint fair#makes me petty and shit too people who are healthy like can you just fucking suffer why do you get that freedom but not me#it just never ends#like I really fucking hate it when people say “oh you have so much to live for” because no I don't#Not so sound like a right winger gosh dang god fearer but like deadass people focus so heavily on “mental health!!” they don't#realize even if you feel better and get therapy or shit that's not gonna be realistically helpful for anything physical going on in sm#it's a cycle even if you manage 1 thing - the medications cause a 2nd thing#and that's alongside all the OTHER things you take medications for which cause all those other things#it's like multiplying and makes your body slowly deplete but like never quite die. like I know realistically I can just die anyday#and yeah it is getting worse but it's no different because it's not about that#when you're sick it's not just “OMG DYING!!!” it's like. everything else in your life dies.#you can't cook for yourself. you can't clean. you can't move. you can't hang out with people anymore. you can barely work LMFAO.#I'm REALLY close to quitting it's not even funny lmao. cant put clothes on without struggling.#do people not know it's. physically impossible. to even eat sometimes. just vomit it all up or seize.#yeah it does make me petty#rant
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Ruby anon again! I’m glad that I haven’t been interrupting your creative process or intervening at all. I can’t wait to see what you do with Ruby and her siblings!
The siblings, btw, were a piece of work for me to write and develop until I decided to peace out on really doing anything with them. The only two things I remember about them really are:
• They’re bounty hunters and their parents did the same thing to them that they’re doing with Ruby. They’re repeating behavior taught to them and they legitimately think they’re helping Ruby. I scrapped that idea quickly because I felt like that could push out the problematic “the abused become abusers” message and that it could possibly make the siblings sympathetic, and I did not want to make them sympathetic in even the slightest way. Anything I had involving the backstory of Ruby’s siblings and/or what happened to their parents was just tossed out after that.
• I thought about the siblings having opposite personalities and looks: one is more loud and aggressive and the other is more quiet and passive aggressive. One is shiny while the other is not. One is the physical abuser while the other is the emotional abuser. Despite their personalities contrasting, they get along well with each other. I wanted it to symbolize that abuse can look different, but it’s still abuse and can often come with other forms of it. I was still on the fence about that idea because I wasn’t sure if I liked it.
I hope you can write the siblings better than I ever could. I can’t wait to see more of your work! It’s amazing! I hope you have a good night. ^^
OHHHHH MY WORD I CAN’T BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW AMAZING THESE NOTES ARE AND HOW EXCITED I AM TO INCORPORATE THEM
I love the idea of the siblings embodying different forms of abuse and the significance of how their differences ultimately play off each other in a way that they get along swimmingly. That’s a brilliantly layered piece of storytelling, you’re a genius! And thank you for the compliment, you’re super sweet :>
Real quick, an important thing to note about the possible problematic message that “the abused become abusers”— it’s a heartbreaking fact that many cases of abuse are generational in origin. The documented fact that domestic abusers are frequently victims of corporal punishment is one of the most devastating examples of this. To write a couple of characters who reflect this fact doesn’t automatically push out the idea that the abused become abusers— heck, it could be written as an important insight into the devastating effects of abuse and how it impacts its victims, and how breaking the chain of abuse is even more significant than its already seen.
Just because you write a reason for a character to be a horrible person doesn’t mean they’re automatically sympathetic, or even that they’re sympathetic in a bad way. Villains people can relate to are very powerful from a writing perspective because they make the reader stop, stare into the abyss, and see it staring back at them. A sympathetic or “understandable” villain who is still clearly villainous is terrifying compared to one that’s cartoonish pure evil. I can’t think of anyone who wants to blow up the universe, but I can think of a good few people who are xenophobic to the point of dehumanizing even themselves through their hatred. An origin story isn’t always an excuse. Sometimes it’s nothing more than an explanation— a cautionary tale that says “this could be you, so watch yourself.”
The fact that this is a possible backstory for Ruby and her older siblings is very relevant to Twig’s character in particular. I haven’t talked about Twig’s aunt Rue or mother Rowan’s backstories very much, but Rue was very similar to Twig while growing up— and Twig resembles Rue as a child more than she does her own mother. In a piece I haven’t finished yet, there’s a flashback that reveals the lighter that featured so heavily in the abuse Twig suffered is printed with her grandfather’s initials. Ruby and Twig could talk for hours, I think, about the torrential emotions that come from knowing your tormentor was a victim as well.
#gosh I hate rue#the woman makes me sick whenever I write her because she’s so pitiful in her repulsiveness.#Twig calls her out on perpetuating the suffering she went through by inflicting it on a little kid who relied on her.#‘You know how bad it hurt. You knew how terrifying it was. And you still chose to do that to a child.’#Rue defends herself and her actions to the end because if she accepts what she did to Twig was unacceptable#then she acknowledges what was done to her was unacceptable as well#and she refuses to allow herself to ponder her childhood (other than blaming her sister) for more than 10 seconds.#Twig thought that she’d be angry and scared if she confronted her--- but in the end?#she doesn’t feel anything but a blurry and faded sense of disappointment in this self-fulfilling tragedy of a woman#even that’s pushing it. there’s nothing there after Twig reunites with Rue. not fear. not regret. not anger. not even pity.#They say the opposite of love isn't hate; it's apathy.#Twig ponders that saying after she returns home and gets that swell of happiness she always does when she sees Opal and Ark waiting for her#the present is a gift au#shadow baby au#pmd ocs#pmd oc#pokemon mystery dungeon#pokémon mystery dungeon#pmd#sofie answers asks
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What the food pantry on campus does:
- gives me snacks and drinks to supplement my regular groceries, breakfast stuff, maybe ingredients for 1-2 actual meals
What the food pantry is really bad at doing:
- giving me food I can make into proper meals for the week
Oh you want juice? Here’s 2 little juice boxes. Nothing else; they’re limited. You want pasta sauce? 1 can; limited. You want produce? 2 produce item limit, except for the apples which are starting to spoil. You can have all of those. You want frozen chicken? One container only. Oh, they’re all stuck together and frozen? Sorry, you can’t have two; no chicken, I guess. Pasta? One box only. Rice? Two small bags, max. Breakfast bars? Yeahhhh, those are a snack, and you can only have five snacks, total. But if you put those pop tarts back, you could have some! Oh, you want donuts instead? Sure! But that’s a bakery item, and you can only have one baked good, so you’re gonna need to put that bread back. You want ziploc bags? Here, have two. Not two boxes, two bags. Item limits. Sorry. You can come back next week!
How the fuck are people supposed to actually *use* these things for weekly meal planning if there’s not enough to last a week???
I swear I am grateful for these resources I’m sure they’re doing the best they can with what they have I’m just *frustrated*. I’m trying to spend less on groceries bc I can’t really afford them. It’s nice that the food pantry gives me these small portions to last me a couple days. But that still leaves several days with not enough food unless I’m really creative or go grocery shopping, and I simply do not have the energy or time to be really creative.
#blue chatter#yes yes u have pasta noodles that’s GREAT#that’s not a full meal until I have sauce and meat or veggies to go with it#and your produce and meat stock are very limited if they exist#oh you have rice? great! rice on its own is not enough for a meal. what is going Into The Rice.#like obv if I have to I will just eat the pasta or the rice but a lot of the food bank’s stuff focuses on shelf stable staples and not like.#ingredients you can actually make into a full meal. like. protein and fat and vegetables or fruit.#carbs are super important but if you only have carbs then your body is gonna suffer#same if you only have protein or only have veggies/fruit or only have fat. you need all of them.#and like yes. they do have a couple basic staples like peanut butter. if I needed to make a balanced meal I could probably eat a spoonful of#peanut butter and some rice and snag a bag of apples and eat those. and I will do that if I gotta.#but the effort it would take to turn that into a dish I would enjoy and feel full after eating is. so much.#and they don’t have staple ingredients like flour or sugar or eggs#sometimes they have butter. sometimes. they had eggs once but they were rotten.#like I am so grateful for the free food believe me I am but I don’t understand how they expect students who don’t have grocery money to eat#you could get everything they let you take and still go hungry or feel sick from lack of nutrients or be unable to make food bc they don’t#have spoons or the equipment or both#also. the food pantry is SUPER not wheelchair accessible. and the parking situation is DIRE.#why are there only two (15 min limit) parking spots. but 38584847 meter spots. and the closest non-meter lot 10 minutes walk away.#I had a pain flare yesterday from lugging my groceries all the way back to my car. my gosh.#I should not have to pay for the privilege of parking a reasonable distance from the food bank when there’s spots RIGHT THERE UNUSED#nobody goes to this part of campus! everything is closed except for the food bank! why are these meter spots!
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柄本 佑 || 「光る君へ」 (2024) · 第四十二回 「川辺の誓い」
#柄本佑#tasuku emoto#光る君へ#hikaru kimi e#1x42#made by me#fujiwara no michinaga#藤原道長#okay I dont think I need to say anything gosh I'm so sad#I am totally crashed by the Uji river scene#crash is an understatement#I know what they have has never changed over the years#but cant help but wonder#if they ran away after ep09#would their life together be better?#michinaga became unrecognizably dark and greedy and he can't even look at himself in a mirror#and they'd wasted so much TIME away from each other#even before michinaga fell sick#he went to mahiro to talk about his daughters. his position. if she had any idea to get him back in higher power#and then he said 'sorry I shouldnt bother you with this bs'#he kept pushing people away#all his life he'd done that#he never once cherished people when they were around#the tears to me feel like remorse & regret#he has everything#but TIME with mahiro#with kaneie. with michikane. with people he should've loved more#should've treated yukinari better#should've dealt the naohide thing in a better way#should've loved mahiro harder.
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Really tempted to just take a complete internet break until after the election has been finalized
#almost certainly won’t because i’m too addicted to the internet#but gosh#there’s still three days left to election day and seeing people talk about it is already making me feel sick#i’m just so stressed#i want to be hopeful but i’m so so scared#sigh …#us politics
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